How long will I keep looking over my Shoulder?

Photo by Bruce Mars from StockSnap

Hello everyone, I hope this article meets you well. How have you been? The events for the past couple of days has made me sad & angry. The blatant disregard for human lives around the world can make one bitter. While we are still processing the horrific events in the United States, two ladies here in Nigeria were gruesomely raped(the ones reported). Read More »

THE LOVER I NEVER KNEW

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It was the first day of the week, a day Miyabi dreaded so much. She hated Mondays, they were a constant reminder that she was a failure. She had been seeking for a job for the past one and half year without success and her parents were giving her a hard time, they felt their investment in her was a waste. So at any and every opportunity she got, she would always leave the house.

It was on one of those times, she met Bolu. He was the type of man she had only dreamt about. He was a nice, tall, dark and handsome Pastor who had eyes for only her and made her feel like she was the only woman on earth. On top of all that, he always had the sweetest things to say.

At the end of their first date just as she was getting home, he sent her a text and it read, “Miyabi you are too beautiful for words, you brighten up my world. I’m so happy I met you”.

She always looked forward to seeing him, as he became her source of joy and Happiness. All the worries at home were soon forgotten whenever she set eyes on him. She had told everyone who mattered to her that she had met the One.

One day, all alone at home, her parents having gone to work but not without berating her for her joblessness, in her moment of sadness, she remembered Bolu, and told herself, why don’t I visit him today?

She called him and told him she was on her way, he sounded excited, and off she went to his house.

When she got there, she met a friend of his who later left the house so the lovebirds can have their time alone.

No sooner had he left, that they began talking, talking just about any and everything they could think of. That was one of the reasons she loved him, the fact that they were very open with each other and she could tell him anything without the fear of being judged. He was her escape from reality.

They were both leaning on the bed when suddenly she felt his hands on her. At first it felt good, when he saw there was no resistance, his hands travelled all the way to her chest, he wanted to touch her breast, she made to slap his hands away, but instead, in one swift motion he threw her on the floor and was facing her.

Panicking Miyabi asked him, Bolu, what are you doing? He answered, what do you think I am doing? Bolu, please don’t do this, why would you even think of this? She said almost crying now, as she looked at the face of the man whom she loved but couldn’t find him. This was the face of a stranger, a hunter who couldn’t wait to devour his prey.

Bolu please, don’t do this, let’s get married and you can have me for forever. Bolu laughed menacingly, you thought I was going to marry you? And he laughed all the more. Look here Miyabi you better stay put, cos you are not getting out of this, it’s either the easy or the hard way; your choice!

All the while Bolu was removing his trousers and struggling with hers, Miyabi began crying, she fought really hard, she kicked and kicked but it was like she was kicking the air; she was no match for his strength. She struggled with him till he placed his hands on her neck and told her, if you make another move, I will strangle you.

Miyabi couldn’t cry anymore she just lay there while her mind drifted off to her mother’s sermon earlier in the day, “since you have no work, don’t leave the house the plumber will be coming to repair the tap in the kitchen, and make sure you prepare Jollof Rice before I come back.

Miyabi! Miyabi! Miyabi! Where’s that useless girl, Miyabi quickly jumped up at the sound of her mother’s voice, only then did she realize it had all been a dream.

This story was first published on Bella Naija, you can view it here.

Visiting a man is no justification for Rape

Recently, On Social Media, There Has Been Some Debate On Whether Ladies Who Visit The Houses Of Men Are Calling For Sex. This Debate Just Saddens Me. On Social Media, When You Read Of A Case Of Rape Or Sexual Harassment, People Question The Victim On Their Reason For Visiting The Perpetrator.


Questions Like “Why Did She Visit Him, If She Did Not Want To Have Sex?” Abound.

This Whole Thing Just Confuses Me. Is It That Men Have No Self-Control? Are They Raging Animals That Cannot Control Their Libido? Are Women Solely Objects Of Sexual Satisfaction, Don’t We Have Decent Men Anymore, Can’t A Lady Just Be Friends With A Man Without Being Friends With Benefits? Is A Woman Not Allowed To Visit A Man, Without Having Sex?

Honestly, When Did We Get To This Extent Of No Morals, No Decorum, Victim Blaming?

One Fateful Weekend On Twitter, Someone Did A Poll Asking Guys Who They Would Choose Between A Girl They Were Chasing For Months Who Finally Agreed To Spend The Night And A Male Friend Who Has An Interview Around That Area And Wants To Spend The Night At The Same House Because Of Distance.

Majority Of The Responses From Men Said They Would Pick TheGirl Because They Couldn’t Pass Out On An Opportunity For Sex. That Poll Is The Reason I Decided To Write This Post Today… Because I Had Been Putting Off Writing This Article.

It’s Unfortunate That While Society Spent All Its Time Bringing Up Girls To Be Responsible Human Beings And Good People, The Men Were Left Out Of The Equation.

We Succeeded In Making Men Feel Like Lords And Kings Who Need Not Have Any Sense Of Responsibility Or Duty; Being A Man Is Good Enough.

Now In Nigeria, A Lot Of Men Have A Feeling Of Entitlement And Superiority, Like Women Were Made For Them. They Believe Women Were Made To Satisfy Them.

We Have Forgotten To Bring Up Our Boys Right; Now We Have A Disaster In Our Hands. On The Day This Article Was Written, A Nigerian Celebrity, Put Out A Post Saying That Women Should Be Able To Move Freely Around Without Being Harassed And A Man, A Fellow Man Said The Way A Woman Dresses Dictates Whether She Would Be Sexually Harassed Or Not.

The Unfortunate Thing Is That The Average Man Feels That A Woman Visiting Him Is Calling For Sex. The Average Nigerian Man In His Heart Of Heart Feels Very Strongly, That As A Man A Woman Is An Object Of Sexual Satisfaction. That Is Why You Will Hear Silly Excuses Like: Why Did She Go Out Alone? Why Is She Dressed Like That? Why Did She Visit Him If She Knew She Didn’t Want To Have Sex?

I Remember A Year Ago, I Went To Visit A Male Friend Of Mine At Home And After About An Hour, He Said To Me, Do You Trust Me So Much That You Visited Me? I Didn’t Understand What He Meant. Then He Continued, Don’t Visit Men Oh, You Can’t Trust Anybody, You Don’t Know What They Are Capable Of Doing.

When I Was In 300 Level, I Remember One Of My Guardians Telling Me Not To Visit A Guy Who Lives Alone. According ToHer, I Could Be Raped, And This Was Like 10 Years Ago.

It’s Unfortunate That Consciously Or Unconsciously We’ve All Accepted That We Should Protect Our Girls From Men. Like Men Are Uncontrollable Animals. If You Disagree, Why Do We Tell Girls Don’t Walk On That Path Alone? In Our Subconscious We’ve Agreed That Men Are Animals Who Do Things Without Thinking, Just To Satisfy Themselves.

As If All This Is Not Enough, Ladies Now Have To Cope With Blame; Victim Blaming. A Girl Is Raped Or Sexually Harassed But Instead Of Condemning The Abuser And The Act, Instead Of Giving Justice To The Victim, The Victim Is Blamed For An Action That Was Done Against Her.

You Begin To Hear: Why Did You Go To That Concert? Why Did You Go To His House? Why This? Why That?

We’ve Successfully Omitted The Abuser And Given Reasons For His Stupid Actions And Then Transferred The Blame To TheWoman Because As A Man In Nigeria, Your Actions Are Always Justifiable.

This Is Not A Man-Bashing Article, No. It Is An Article Written Out Of Grief And Sadness For The Society We Presently Live In. This Is A Call For Our Men To Do Better; You Guys Are More Than This Honestly.

Ladies, Be Intentional About Who You Call A Friend, Be Intentional About Your Relationships. And While You Are It, Please Don’t Visit A Man You Cannot Vouch For (Who Can You Trust Sef?) If Anything Happens, People Would Ask You Why You Went There. 

Men, I Don’t Want To Believe You Guys Are Uncontrollable Animals Who Have No Respect For Women. Don’t Be An Animal, Cultivate Meaningful Friendships And Relationships. Be Different. Don’t Join The Bandwagon Of Rapists And Sexual Abusers. A Woman Is Not The Object Of Your Sexual Fantasy.

Fathers And Mothers Raise Your Sons Well, Teach Them To Respect Women. The Same Hand You Use To Discipline Your Daughters Should Be The Same Hand You Use To Discipline Your Sons. Teach Your Sons That Waiting Until Marriage Is Best, Otherwise That A NO Is A NO. Teach Them What Consent Is. Most Importantly, Show Them How People Should Be Treated, By The Way, You Treat Each Other.

Dearest Society, Please Stop Blaming Victims When They Courageously Speak Out And Seek Justice. Believe Victims And Stop Trying To Justify The Attack.

This Post Is Not Saying Women Should Be Sleeping Over At A Man’s House No, I’m Only Saying When A Lady Visit A Man Is No Reason Why She Should Be Raped.

Lastly, To The Men, What Is It About A Woman’s Visit That Implies You Must Have Sex With Her?

Thank You For Reading; I Await Your Thoughts In The Comment Section.

PS: This Artice Was First Published On Bella Naija, You Can Check It Out Here.