How I learned to Overcome the fear of Love & Relationships

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In a Whatsapp group I belong to, someone shared a story of how she’s afraid to have a relationship; a relationship in this sense; between a man & a woman.

At the time she shared her fears, I didn’t comment because I felt other people had done justice to her question.

But thinking about it later, I wish I had because I had once been that girl and sometimes I am still that girl who once feared the opposite sex, going into relationships, getting married, the whole nine yards. Read More »

Love Song Thursday: This Dance By Chris Rio & J’Dess

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Hello everyone, long time no love song. I know I’m lazy looking for songs. Anyway, I have a hot new one for you guys. I listened to it for the first time yesterday and I fell in love.

This song is by 2017 The Voice Nigeria contestants, Chris Rio and J’Dess. This is a must listen to especially if you’re a hopeless romantic (like me). It had me dancing imaginary with a guy.

Thank you Jrio for this song, love it. Download this dance here. Don’t forget to share your thoughts.

THE LOVER I NEVER KNEW

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It was the first day of the week, a day Miyabi dreaded so much. She hated Mondays, they were a constant reminder that she was a failure. She had been seeking for a job for the past one and half year without success and her parents were giving her a hard time, they felt their investment in her was a waste. So at any and every opportunity she got, she would always leave the house.

It was on one of those times, she met Bolu. He was the type of man she had only dreamt about. He was a nice, tall, dark and handsome Pastor who had eyes for only her and made her feel like she was the only woman on earth. On top of all that, he always had the sweetest things to say.

At the end of their first date just as she was getting home, he sent her a text and it read, “Miyabi you are too beautiful for words, you brighten up my world. I’m so happy I met you”.

She always looked forward to seeing him, as he became her source of joy and Happiness. All the worries at home were soon forgotten whenever she set eyes on him. She had told everyone who mattered to her that she had met the One.

One day, all alone at home, her parents having gone to work but not without berating her for her joblessness, in her moment of sadness, she remembered Bolu, and told herself, why don’t I visit him today?

She called him and told him she was on her way, he sounded excited, and off she went to his house.

When she got there, she met a friend of his who later left the house so the lovebirds can have their time alone.

No sooner had he left, that they began talking, talking just about any and everything they could think of. That was one of the reasons she loved him, the fact that they were very open with each other and she could tell him anything without the fear of being judged. He was her escape from reality.

They were both leaning on the bed when suddenly she felt his hands on her. At first it felt good, when he saw there was no resistance, his hands travelled all the way to her chest, he wanted to touch her breast, she made to slap his hands away, but instead, in one swift motion he threw her on the floor and was facing her.

Panicking Miyabi asked him, Bolu, what are you doing? He answered, what do you think I am doing? Bolu, please don’t do this, why would you even think of this? She said almost crying now, as she looked at the face of the man whom she loved but couldn’t find him. This was the face of a stranger, a hunter who couldn’t wait to devour his prey.

Bolu please, don’t do this, let’s get married and you can have me for forever. Bolu laughed menacingly, you thought I was going to marry you? And he laughed all the more. Look here Miyabi you better stay put, cos you are not getting out of this, it’s either the easy or the hard way; your choice!

All the while Bolu was removing his trousers and struggling with hers, Miyabi began crying, she fought really hard, she kicked and kicked but it was like she was kicking the air; she was no match for his strength. She struggled with him till he placed his hands on her neck and told her, if you make another move, I will strangle you.

Miyabi couldn’t cry anymore she just lay there while her mind drifted off to her mother’s sermon earlier in the day, “since you have no work, don’t leave the house the plumber will be coming to repair the tap in the kitchen, and make sure you prepare Jollof Rice before I come back.

Miyabi! Miyabi! Miyabi! Where’s that useless girl, Miyabi quickly jumped up at the sound of her mother’s voice, only then did she realize it had all been a dream.

This story was first published on Bella Naija, you can view it here.

Because You are a Woman: A Poem

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Because you are a Woman

You can’t be hard

You must learn to be soft

A Woman is soft

Because you are a Woman

You CANNOT be Stubborn

You CANNOT have your own Mind

Because you are a Woman

A Woman is not Stubborn

You must learn to always CHANGE

Your Mind

Because you are a Woman

You cannot express yourself

You must NOT say what you

REALLY mean to say

Because you are a Woman

You cannot be angry

Even if you are,

You must NOT show it

Because you are a Woman

You cannot argue

Even if you disagree

Don’t say it; Just agree

Because when you become a WIFE

You must not argue with your Husband

Because you are a Woman

You cannot talk back to me

It doesn’t matter if the other party

Is your colleague

You just CANNOT talk back to me

Because you are a Woman

You cannot go to another Church

What will people say?

Because you are a Woman

You must cook irrespective

Of whether you are tired or Not

Because when you become a WIFE

It will be a NEEDED skill

In your Husband’s House

Because you are a Woman

You must Marry and you

Must Marry NOW

Because you are a Woman

Your time is running out

So you MUST Marry NOW

Because you are a Woman

You don’t need to further

Your education

Too much book is not

Good for a Woman

Because you are a Woman

******************************************

On this side

I have been made to see that

Being a Woman is only

To my disadvantage

I can’t be myself

Because the way God made me

Has now become my LIMITATION

Because I am a Woman

I sometimes ask myself

Maybe something is wrong with me

Maybe I am not capable of

Doing something great;

And Becoming More

Maybe this life; the one

I have being limited to

Is truly the Life I am meant to Live

But No!

This is not it

I am more than this

I am more than what I am NOW

Because I am a Woman

I have been made for so much More

If you are a Lady reading this and you’ve ever been told you couldn’t do something because you are a Woman, kindly share in the comment section.

Thank you for reading and please don’t forget to share the article using the social media icons below.

 

You’re a Precious Jewel; You Can’t be treated like a Rag.

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Hello everyone, long time no hear. Today I’m going to talking about an issue that’s very passionate to me. Single Ladies, this post is for you.

This New Year I have been following a popular Nigerian Psychologist Instagram page and from his page, I discovered a very disgusting ugly trend among ladies. Stories of ladies slaving for a man all in a bid to get married.

There’s a lot of desperation among ladies to get and keep a man. The most painful part is that the men whose ladies are doing heaven on earth for them, most often do not appreciate it.

That’s why I always say, Ladies stop doing wifey duties for a man who isn’t your husband.

All these nonsense of cooking, washing and cleaning for a man who is not your husband should stop.

You are not an abandoned property neither are you a cheap commodity that is in a hurry to be sold off to any Tom, Dick and Harry, No.

I hear some people say, if you don’t do all these things, how would he know you’re a wife material? You don’t have to prove anything to show him you are the one for him; he is the one that should prove to you that he’s the one for you, not the other way round.

Dear lady, you are not the one to be looking for a husband. Accompanying the above ugly trend is the one where Ladies will be competing amongst themselves, trying to get a guy’s attention, please STOP it. Marriage is not a competition, neither is it a race.

Don’t let any man play God over you, that you start fighting a fellow woman over him. I have come to realise that, it’s we ladies that encourage irresponsibility, we let men eat their cake and have it. He is not a trophy to be won, so don’t fight over a guy; you have nothing to prove.

Unfortunately, this is the reason why domestic violence will not stop.

As you throw yourself at him, and open your precious legs for him, cook and wash his clothes, he will see you as a very cheap product. Your value before him has reduced, and unfortunately, the more you sleep with him, the less he thinks of you. What do you do with something you have no regard or value for? You simply throw it away or use it as a rag.

It’s unfortunate that ladies, who you think should know better are the ones who behave like their brain is on holiday. How can a lady be paying the bills of a boyfriend, house him, buy him clothes, cook for him, sleep with him and yet the guy is not treating her well, on top of that, he may even be using her for boxing practice, but instead of leaving the relationship because she deserves better she stays on the relationship because to her, singleness is a disease and it is better to have someone even if he doesn’t treat me well, he would change one day.

We want abuse to stop? Let’s treat ourselves better. You do know that you are precious right? You are the apple of God’s eyes, and you are worth more than just being a Mrs, you are powerful beyond your imagination; most importantly, your life is NOT defined by the existence or presence of a man.

I use to be very naïve, foolish and stupid in love. I was held in the bondage of a stupid relationship, but until the day I discovered I AM WORTH MORE THAN RUBIES and I DESERVE BETTER I was still being a slave.

I really wish you know you have value and you are to be treated like the QUEEN that you are.

Don’t sell yourself cheap. Don’t carry yourself like you have no value. You are a precious jewel, the Apple of the Lord’s eye. He took his time to create you.

The bible says in Matthew 7:6 (NKJV), “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.

Because you are valuable, you cannot afford to be with someone who treats you like trash.

Love is in action not in words, and any man who doesn’t VALUE you needs to be shown the door.