This was the question a Pastor Mentor asked me when I told him about my book. This was a question I’ve never really thought about, so when he asked me I was kinda taken aback and I had to think well before I gave him an answer.
What is my story? Why did a young single girl write a book on Virginity or I dare say sex? What was she thinking about? Does she have the experience to write such a book?
I can guess that these are some of the questions ruminating through your mind. These are some of the questions people have asked me.
Or the daring classic one, are you a virgin?
This is a question I don’t like answering and not because I am not proud of who I am, but because I don’t want the focus of my book to be on me. Maybe it’s because the title of my book is Virginity under Attack.
A lot of people are obsessed with finding out my virginity status and I wonder why. I have heard of how people have gathered in places and argued about whether I’m a virgin or not.
Prior to now, whenever someone asks me if I’m a virgin, I always tell them when I get married, ask my husband.
I have heard how some people even went as far as insulting me for insinuating I’m a virgin when they think that I’m not because who in their right mind in this age & time and in this generation is still a virgin.
It’s funny and sometimes annoying how people can just sit in their houses, or fight through their keypads and just assume that they know me or know my life.
In fact, my sister told me of a discussion where her roommates swore on their lives that a 30-year-old cannot be a virgin.
If I ever was in doubt that sexual purity is endangered in this generation, I have gotten enough clarifications that indeed sexual purity in these times is highly endangered and rare.
It seems to me that the obsessions with my virginity status stem from the fact that, people want to judge whether I am qualified to write such a book.
The above assumption was something that bothered me for long and sometimes still bothers me.
One day I asked myself, am I qualified to write such a book? I’m a virgin, what do I know about sex? Will people want to listen to a virgin talk about sex, when she has never experienced it?
The first time I asked this question, the Lord told me, tell people how you have been able to keep yourself all these years. In fact, the words were, wouldn’t you like to know how to keep yourself from someone who’s never done it?
Again, two days ago I asked myself this same question, and the Lord told me, you did not choose yourself,neither did you qualify yourself, I choose you and qualified you.
Those words were just the right words I needed to hear. In a world full of judgement, it’s difficult sometimes living your truth.
But what has helped me is the fact that I aim to please no one but God; all I want is for Heaven to be proud of me.
When my mentor asked me what is your story? I told him sir; I’m a virgin, never asked sex in my life. And he asked me, how come?
He encouraged me to share my story, and that’s what I’m doing now.
How I’ve been a virgin all these 30 years of my life.
I want to believe it’s a culmination of my upbringing, my experiences and my faith.
There’s no way I would have kept myself by my strength, it is God who knew the future, who prepared me ahead for his call and positioned me rightly that kept me.
He strategically placed me in the family I belong, because He knew I would be brought up in the way of the Lord and raised up in strict upbringing by much-disciplined parents.
I once disliked my parents especially my dad because I thought they were too strict. Do you guys believe I couldn’t make midnight calls when I was growing up, I didn’t use a cell phone in my first year in the university, and even in my second year, I started using a phone because my mum bought herself a new phone and so she had to give me her old phone.
Even as an adult still living in my parents’ house, I couldn’t go anywhere I wanted unless I took permission and sometimes, the answer was no, you are not going.
But looking back, I think and I ponder, maybe just maybe I didn’t grow up in the family I am, I would have turned out wayward. Just maybe I wouldn’t be able to write this book today.
Then in relationships, I have had to say no to some guys who wanted to date me because I knew staying pure with them would be practically impossible.
My Faith: I have realised that in every junction of my life even before I knew God intimately, I was always God-conscious; always been a fellowship girl. In secondary school, at my university, I was a fellowship girl. A triangular student, I was either at school, home or church/fellowship. Even as a youth corper, I lived in NCCF (Nigerian Christian Corpers Fellowship) family house, was a member of more than one group. All my friends till date, I either met them at NIFES(Nigeria Fellowship of Evangelical Students) or family House(NCCF).
God has invested so much in my life that I can’t hurt Him by breaking the edge around my life.
Over the past few weeks, I have had cause to sit, think and reflect on my life and I have come to the conclusion that God doesn’t give you a future He hasn’t prepared you for.
Everything you are going through today, especially if it’s orchestrated by God is a tell-tale sign of where He’s taking you to.
Yes, my book is titled Virginity under Attack, but sexual purity is of much more importance before the Lord.
You can be a virgin and not be sexually pure, and you may not be a virgin anymore but you’re sexually pure.Does that confuse you? It shouldn’t. Let me briefly explain.
A lot of people think that women and men lose their virginity the first time they have penis-in-vagina intercourse (vaginal sex). The fact that you’ve not done the real deal (penis to vagina penetration) doesn’t mean you are pure. The Bible’s emphasis is not so much in a technical or medical definition of virginity as it is on the condition of a person’s heart. Chastity should affect the heart, mind, and soul,not just certain body parts (excerpts from my book, to read more on this, get my book).
Another reason why I don’t want the focus of my book to be “whether I’m virgin or not”, is because there are many people who have lost their virginity but are now living lives pleasing the Lord. I don’t care whether you’ve lost your virginity, what I care is whether you are living sexually pure. Is God pleased with your life? That is the bigger question, not whether your hymen is still intact.
Of course, if you’ve haven’t lost your virginity, I obviously don’t want you to lose it, but at the same time, I’ll encourage you to live sexually pure. Don’t defile your heart with immorality. Let God be honoured in all that you do.
This is my story; I am a work in progress. Living every day with a burning passion to see us all do life,relationships and sex, the way God intended it.
What is your story? Please share.
Thank you for reading and God bless you.