Hello everyone, I hope you all had a productive week? Today I will like to talk about red flags or better still what I call Red Banners.
Why is it so hard for us especially women to recognize red flags for what they are? Why? The truth of the matter is that all of us, in our heart of heart know when someone is right for us or not.
Most times these red flags are so glaring, they are no longer flags but banners or in some cases billboards.
Before proceeding any further, what are these red flags in my opinion?
- Physical Violence: this usually starts with just slaps.
- Cheating: they always have excuses for this one.
- Lack of communication: dude hardly calls. You are the one always doing all the calling. When you guys have disagreements, he uses the opportunity to call you all sorts of names, belittle you and then you are left feeling stupid. Or instead of settling issues, he disappears and stonewalls you.
- You are the only one making efforts in the relationship, buying him stuffs, without getting anything in return. You make excuses for him, it’s because he doesn’t have. Whether you guys see or not, doesn’t matter to him.
- Multiple personalities: today he’s nice; especially when he wants something from you, tomorrow he’s cruel and distant.
- He’s not concerned about what you’re passionate about. What bothers you doesn’t bother him. When you have an issue, he disappears and only appears when it has been solved. When you need him, he’s not there.
- An unmotivated man: the one who has no work ethic. This one is an undercover lazy dude. He’s not concerned whether his life is progressing or not and he makes no efforts to grow. With this one, be prepared to shoulder the responsibilities of the family when you guys get married. Be prepared.
- Someone who never apologizes. Instead he flips the script and makes you the guilty one. Funny thing is you end up apologizing. Run from this one, he’s an emotional guilt trapper.
- He’s not concerned about you or how you feel. Everything is about him and his comfort. Doesn’t put your feelings first neither does he care about your opinions or what you have to say. Does whatever feels right in his eyes. Sha doesn’t give a hoot about you. Forgets your birthday (this one I cannot forgive) and even if he remembers, he makes no efforts to make it special for you. Let me tell you now, you are on your own.
Look guys, I could go and on about this, but when something doesn’t feel right, when something in your gut feels wrong, then something is definitely wrong. Don’t ignore it. Don’t throw it away. That’s your heart trying to save you.
The truth is when someone shows you their true colour, believe it, and don’t make excuses for them.
If someone says they love you, it would show. Their actions will reflect love. Actions speak louder than words. If he says one thing and does another, I think you should take that into consideration.
If someone says I love you, but everything they do to you and for you doesn’t depict love, then I have to ask, what are you doing there?
I am a firm believer that wrong marriages do not just spring forth from Adam; there were signs that were ignored.
People don’t just change, there was a pattern. The problem is we ignore them, make excuses on their behalf and then hope and pray they change.
The universe always has a way of warning us when we are about entering trouble. Don’t ignore signs.
I believe another reason is we women like to feel like saviours; life reformers of bad men. We saw our mothers be the hero, the breadwinner. We saw our mothers take up responsibilities that are primarily not hers. We were brought up to babysit and cater for erring men, so we believe it’s part of our purpose to accommodate foolishness with the excuse that our love will change them, but these dynamics have to change.
Relationships and marriages are partnerships where each person is to give it their best shots.
Stop accommodating foolishness and bad behaviours. Stop breaking your own heart and then keep wondering why you continually end up with wrong men.
Don’t use your own two legs to intentionally walk into fire. God has already provided ways of escape. How? By showing you undeniable red flags! If you still don’t get the message, he will turn these flags to red big banners.
May you not be blind!
Stop saying men are scum, when you are intentionally hurting yourself by turning a blind eye to foolishness.
Let me let you in on a secret, whatever you allow now; you have officially given permission to continue.
Love with your heart, but use your head.
May we all have beautiful and meaningful relationships. Thank you for reading.