love is not enough

This is a statement I have always believed but when I say it to people, they don’t believe or understand my point. But the reality and the truth in this statement were driven home just last week.

A married male colleague of mine passed by my office on Friday, and we got into a conversation about our job, closing time, just work related stuffs. Then he randomly asked me, “what if you get a job that requires you to close at 6 pm, would you take it? I said why not, I would, after all, I’m still young and now is the time to work.

He then said his wife (a lawyer) got a job offer in a big chamber that would require her to close at 6 pm and the office is located in town (an hour from where he lives) but that he wouldn’t let her take the job. I then asked him why, he said that she would be coming home late and he wouldn’t like that. Honestly, the argument didn’t make much sense because in my opinion coming home at 7-7:30 pm isn’t bad.

As we were still conversing, one of my colleagues asked him, “is it who will cook your food you are concerned about? My friend answered in the affirmative. The rest of my colleagues in the office laughed, one of them now said the days of husbands insisting they would only eat freshly made food is over as we are now in the 21st century. The person who said this, even said he sometimes prepares the meal at home when his wife is not around. That he saw it as no big deal.

I told my friend if your wife really wants to practice, taking the job would be in her best interest as she would learn from the best, moreover, the pay is way better than what she’s earning now (30k – 150k). He still maintained his stand that he wouldn’t let her take the job.

Other people in the office chipped in (they are all married) that what he would eat should be the least of his problems in comparison to what his wife would learn and gain from the job. I then suggested that his wife could make soups during the weekend so all he has to do is to warm whatever he wants to eat during the week, but my friend wasn’t having it.

When I returned home and was ruminating over the conversation, I came to the conclusion that; in marriage, love is not enough. 

Yes, it’s important you marry someone you love, but if love is all you have for your intended (the person you want to marry), it is not enough. It’s important that the person you marry should be supportive of your goals and not threatened by you.

If you look at the real meaning of love i.e. as God defined it in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end, then we can say love is enough.

But unfortunately, this is not the type of love we practice. In my opinion, asides the love you profess, there are some questions you should ask yourself before jumping the broom. Does he/she support my dreams? Does my partner’s family like me? Do I like my intended’s family? Do you guys agree on issues or are always fighting? Is my partner a mummy’s boy or a daddy’s girl? Do we have a lot in common? (Opposites attract, yes. But in reality, for a marriage to work out, there must be shared values, morally, spiritually, family values etc.

Also, there must be communication; partners in a relationship should be able to communicate freely with each other without any form of fear or judgment, there must be compromise, sacrifice, and commitment from both parties.

In addition to all I have written, it is important that career women especially marry someone who wouldn’t be intimidated by them, a man who is secure enough to support them. This is very important, except you are willing to sacrifice your peace and your fulfillment.

Just as Oby Ezekwesili said, Females especially have the capacity to FULFILL multiple realities. NO NEED TO TRADE OFF!

Love is not enough!  It is enough to get started but not enough to sustain you through the tough times.  The qualities I listed above are some of the many qualities needed in all relationships to sustain you through the tough spots.

Love is a decision you make and that decision will be tested when the storms of life hit, how ready are you to defend that decision?

I would like to know your thoughts, thank you for reading.


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