Dearest Single Lady/Guy,
Someday/ somewhere in the future; at some point you will be where I am standing now. You will be in a marriage relationship with an imperfect spouse who will have to live with an imperfect you.
In marriage, no one can truly predict exactly how your journey will be because, to be honest, no two marriages are alike.
I can assure you that marriage will bring you face to face with the you that you never ever could believe is remotely you! Like seriously so you didn’t realise you had no decorum and you can just fart anyhow just because you believe that the smell of your fart should be a sweet smelling savor to your spouse!
Marriage will reveal the scripting that you have unconsciously grown up with, it will reveal that hidden part that you conscientiously keep away from the world.
You will come vulnerably close with the person in the mirror and you will be tempted to just throw a dark cloth over that mirror and never ever come face to face with that monster but wait a minute! Like how you claim to love Chinese rice properly garnished with shrimps but deep down your spouse knows its Ewa gonyin and bread agege na im sure pass! Just so you can have some assorted fart to dispense!!! Jesus is Lord…
That you in that mirror; that ugly thing is what your spouse will have to deal with and unless you work at it and actually begin the journey of unlearning to relearn, you will make the journey more gruesome not just for your partner but for you as well. It feels like being stuck in a suffocating room and you can’t even escape because the room suffocating you happens to be you.
Imagine if you have to deal with a friend whose stock in trade is to keep a list of things to avenge daily, or someone who wakes you up at 3 am to start a fight because she has missed fighting with you!!!!!
Imagine the pain of not being sure what the next attack will be.
Painfully pick your flaws; painfully peel off the layers and let love change you. It’s only in marriage you can truly see you as you are. The more you pretend and think your partner is the one seeing you through wrong lenses the more you make the journey more arduous.
Make a deliberate attempt to work on you. To be the best you, to own your joy, to be a whole person with a strong sense of identity and to realise that you are in this for the long haul. This is very important; your spouse is not jollof rice, only jollof rice has the ability to please everyone. biko sister/brother! Find your joy! Find your groove, Find your dance!!
Remember most of all, nothing delights God more than a Union conforming to his nature! He stands as witness to the Covenant between you and your spouse and makes it beautiful as you yield to him.
This article was written as a letter by Bunmi Dayo-Ayeni one of my Role Models and my Iye on the occasion of her 5th Wedding Anniversary to her son. I shared it here because it contains very deep wisdom and truths about marriage which both the Singles and the Married ones can learn from. As single people, we still have the opportunity to be equipped and be better prepared for the institution called marriage. I really hope you were blessed by this write-up. For more of this goodness, check out the author on Facebook HERE