My people how was your weekend, I had a lovely weekend. From visiting, to movies to attending programs, my weekend was great. So yesterday all thanks to Ebony Life TV I finally saw the movie “The Visit”. Mehn that movie is deep. I loved every bit of it. I believe it’s a movie intending and married people should watch. I’d like to highlight the lessons I learned from that movie. The movie is about two (2) different couples who are neighbours. The Nebo’s (Chidi and Eugenia) the polished couple and the Shagaya’s (Lanre and Ajiri), the scattered couple.
Communication: The essence of communication cannot be overemphasised in a relationship.
Watching the movie, I found it strange how a husband finds it difficult to tell his wife how he truly feels; I honestly found it very strange. Chidi doesn’t like his wife’s cooking and often throws the meal away but doesn’t know how to tell her, he doesn’t enjoy their sex life but is afraid of saying it. His bottling up of emotions led to him being unhappy and his marriage was a mess, needless to say, he ended up cheating on his wife. Eugenia was shocked and hurt when she discovered he doesn’t enjoy her cooking. Chidi had the assumption that Eugenia doesn’t like sex, meanwhile, she was circumcised as a child. I found it really strange how she didn’t tell her husband this very important fact.
The Shagaya’s also had communication issues, Ajiri was not getting satisfied sexually neither did she fully like his career (he’s a music producer) but she could not tell her husband, meanwhile, she kept telling him how he was the best.
It’s great showing support to a spouse but support also means saying the truth. It now depends on how you say it and when. As you’re supporting your partner’s goal, also chip in little by little, areas where you think need growth. But please say it in love. Lanre was so hurt finding out that he’s wife was not in full support of his career.
Lesson learnt: Lack of communication in a marriage will lead to costly assumptions, unhappiness, unresolved hurts, unfaithfulness even divorce. It’s important that couples should be free to communicate with themselves or be able to express themselves freely. In fact, if you cannot talk with your spouse freely, I just wonder how you guys ended up together. It brings to question what intending couples do during courtship. The Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya said courtship should be a time of discovery, asking questions, communicating, getting to know the person you’re walking down the aisle with, not a time to engage in premarital sex. If in the period of courtship, you find out things you cannot cope with, it’s better to break up. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.
Dishonesty: The Nebo’s were both dishonest to each other. Eugenia did not tell her husband who she really was neither did Chidi. As I and my sister were discussing the movie, I just told her that, they both deserved each other. The thing is, you’ll only attract your kind. If you’re out to deceive someone, you’ll meet the person who also set out to deceive. I’m convinced they were both attracted to an idea; a fantasy imagination of the type of person they want. Chidi was working with google, probably wanted a trophy wife, the wife too was looking for a correct loaded guy who’ll further help in masking her true self.
Lanre told Chidi that he should be honest with his wife that he tells his wife everything, Chidi replied saying he couldn’t not with the kind of wife he has and Lanre told him whatever consequences that may arise from being honest doesn’t outweigh the consequences of dishonesty.
True love is displayed in honesty; don’t be afraid that your partner will walk away. The truth is there’ll always be someone who’ll love you regardless. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya always said; if you truly love someone you’ll not withhold vital information from that person; information that would be useful in helping the person making an informed decision.
Friendship: the movie further ingrained in me the essence of couples being friends. The Shagaya’s were best of friends, arguments suddenly turned into jokes, and jokes suddenly turned into fights. They were best of friends right from day one (1) and they told each other everything. The fact that they were best friends helped them in quickly recovering from any hurt and shock their lack of communication exposed. The Nebo’s were not so lucky, they weren’t friends, they were just housemates, and it was more difficult recovering from the hurt their dishonesty exposed. I’ve said it on this blog before, that couples should be best of friends. They should be totally free with each other. It’s funny how a married couple cannot even laugh together or jist. Marriage would be very boring if you aren’t best friends with your spouse.
Respect: I saw firsthand the value of respect in a marriage. I believe it’s important that a wife is respectful to her husband. In the movie, a very scattered and razz wife (Ajiri) respect and honours her husband, one would think she wouldn’t, because of the type of person she is. She cooks exactly what he wants, doesn’t impose on him. Respect is one of the key ingredients for a successful marriage.
The Nebo’s marriage had no form of respect. The wife was in sole control of the home, the husband had no say, in fact, he does exactly what the wife wants, ate what she said he should eat. Unfortunately, as the guy wasn’t free at home, he looked for an escape and found it in his secretary who ended up giving birth to kids for him.
Secrets: keeping secrets in a marriage is bad. It has lead to the death of marriages quicker than any other thing. Keeping secrets shows a lack of trust, and it’s really unfortunate if you don’t trust your spouse. Without trust that home is heading for doom fast.
I love to hear from you; do get in touch, drop comments, and share. You can get notifications immediately a new post comes in, just drop your email on the right-hand side of the blog.
I love you but God loves you most and wants to make you His friend. Have a memorable week and may God grant you the desires of your heart and give you the type of marriage you pray for.