Losing a loved one is an inevitable thing in life. People lose loved ones all around us. Below are tips you can use to help you deal with a situation where you’ve lost a loved one. These tips are borne out of a personal experience. I have lost two (2) of the closest people to me, one was my friend and the other was my uncle. These tips were how I was able to get over their death.
Accept your Loss. This is the first step in dealing with the pain. Don’t live in denial. Face the fact and tell yourself the truth. The person is gone and never coming back. The longer you live in denial, the harder it will be coping with the situation. Don’t try to seek or look for explanations. Explanations don’t bring comfort, only the Love and the Presence of God does. When my friend died, I didn’t accept his loss; I couldn’t. I thought I still had time with him, in fact I was praying for a miracle ( that God would raise him from the dead), Well that didn’t happen.
It may not be the time for the person to go, but God allowed it to happen for a purpose only He knows. You can’t question God; you can only trust that He has the best plans for you. Seek comfort in His word. Rom 8:28 says “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, and who have being called according to His purpose”. God loves him/her much more than you can ever imagine. Put your trust in the Lord, and depend on Him to see you through.
Don’t live in guilt or regret. This is a terrible situation to put yourself in, ie living in guilt. The person is gone already and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. When my friend died, I felt so guilty and ashamed for having not spoken to him the week he died. We had a disagreement and I was angry and I wasn’t talking to him. It was during that period of malice, that he died. When he died, I couldn’t forgive myself. I kept on regretting my actions and wishing I could turn back the hands of time. But things like this happen, so we can learn, so we can value the people around us more. So please don’t live in regret or guilt, this life is too short to spend it regretting your actions. I wrote about my friend HERE.
Don’t ever lie to yourself that you won’t miss the person. Your life will definitely change as a result of the loss. But it’s up to you, to determine if the effect will be positive or negative. I miss my friend everyday, I know if he were alive he would have supported this blog in every way he can; he was a great person. When he died, I felt forgetting him would help me heal, but alas how wrong I was. I remember him everyday. So know that you would definitely miss the person. But give it time, when you remember them again, you don’t remember with pain or hurt but with gratefulness for having known them and the life they lived.
Don’t live in anger, bitterness, or resentment towards anyone. It’s a lot easier dealing with the pain if you live in love, forgiveness and genuine affection towards all. It’s pretty easy to blame someone or even the dead person for the loss, for example; like they had something to do with the death. But the deed has been done already and no matter how you plan to take revenge, the dead person can never come back. Forgive everyone and move forward. My friend died in a swimming pool and then it was easier putting the blame of his death on his instructor but what would that achieve? How will I move on if I’m still holding on to resentment.
Don’t stay away from people. If there was ever a time you needed people around you, it is now. Don’t isolate yourself from people, no matter how tempting it is. Being around people could prevent you from doing something stupid, and also help you take your mind off the incident, and not dwell on the loss. One of the ways I was able to deal with my loss was the people around me. In fact, the death of my friend made me closer to people who recognised I was hurting and formed an emotional support for me. You need people around you, don’t fall into the temptation of dealing with loss on your own.
Try as much as possible to get busy doing something. It’s definitely normal to lose interest in the things you used to love doing, but please don’t stay idle. When you are doing something, it will help you take your mind off the unfortunate incident. So get busy.
It’s ok to cry.Letting out your emotions can be a great relief. Let your heart out and free yourself from the pain. When my friend and Uncle died, I cried nonstop for days, onone occasion I even fell ill. Honestly, if tears could bring them back, they would be right here with me. In as much as it’s ok to cry, remember the words of this scripture, 1 Thessalonians 4:13 “But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope”.
Try as much as possible to rest. You could take a leave if possible, to just rest. Your body/Spirit has undergone an emotional wrecking experience and it needs to recover.
Try as much as possible to dwell on the positive attributes of the person and the impact he/she made in your life. Also, dwell on the fact that the person is resting in the Bosom of the Lord. Whenever I remember my friend and my uncle, what gives me consolation is the lives they lived and the legacy they left behind which can never be erased from my heart. Moreover, the fact that they are in the bosom of the Lord.
The Lord knows what you are going through, and He wants to help you, don’t turn away from His Love and Comfort. Rom 8:38-39 says “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord”.
Finally, we would all die somebody, but while still alive, live a life of love, kindness, and sacrifice. Col 3:12 says “Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience”. You still have an opportunity to put a smile on someone’s face and make an impression that will outlive you. Be an answer to someone’s prayer by living a gracious life fully depending on the Lord.
Have you gone through loss? How were you able to overcome it? Kindly Share with us. Thank you.
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