The excuse of some ladies for engaging in premarital sex may stem from family or parental pressure to get pregnant before getting married for fear of not having a child after marriage. This is unfounded and ridiculous. There should never be any form of an experiment before marriage.
I often tell ladies are you to be used as an experiment? If you sleep with the guy and there’s no pregnancy, how long should the sex continue? So if after all the sex, no baby he dumps you and move on to the next, then what are you now? The truth is that only God knows what lies ahead of each and every one of us. It is foolish for any lady to think she can keep a man or secure her marriage by getting pregnant before marriage. The fact is if there is true love, there will never be any need for pregnancy before marriage as bait to keep the man. If a man asks you to go to bed with him before getting married, be very clear that guy doesn’t love you. What he wants is a child and not you!
What is the accepted level of intimacy before Marriage?
Ephesians 5:3 tells us, “But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
Anything that even “hints” of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a list of what qualifies as a “hint” or tell us what physical activities are approved for a couple to engage in before marriage. However, just because the Bible does not specifically address the issue does not mean God approves of “pre-sexual” activity before marriage. By essence, foreplay is designed to get one ready for sex. Logically then, foreplay should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered foreplay should be avoided until marriage.
If there is any doubt whatsoever whether an activity is right for an unmarried couple, it should be avoided (Romans 14:23). Any and all sexual and pre-sexual activity should be restricted to married couples. An unmarried couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that could be considered foreplay. I personally believe that unmarried couples should not engage in kissing, petting, staying in dark corners, sleeping on the same bed, pornography etc, things that could make one wants to have sex.
Proverbs 6:27-28 says, “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?
I see kissing among unmarried couples like one is fasting but you went to KFC to browse, the aroma alone is enough temptation to break the fast. Why set the kitchen on fire, when you don’t want the whole house to get burnt? The more a married couple has to share exclusively between them, the more special and unique the sexual relationship in that marriage becomes.
What if I’ve fallen?
In case you’ve had sex before, there’s still hope. “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Furthermore, in addition to the forgiveness (which is in itself glorious), God restores. Joel 2:25 tells us that God is able to restore the years that the locust has eaten, and that’s what premarital sex is—a locust that consumes our sense of self, our self-esteem, and our perception of forgiveness. Scripture also tells us that, when we come to Christ, we are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17), so one who engaged in premarital sex prior to conversion is recreated by God into a new person; the old is gone, the new has come.
Also, it’s important to break up any sexual relationship you currently have, this is important in other to reassess the relationship.
Cut away from friends who do not believe in waiting for marriage.
1 Corinthians 15:33, says do not be misled:”Bad company corrupts good character” Make friends with people of like minds, there’s mighty power in association.
Avoid pornography at all costs, stay away from visiting male friends who live alone (“Netflix and chill” sound familiar?).
Do not put yourself in any dangerous situation.
Sets boundaries in your relationship. Courtship is a time to nurture and build friendship, commitment and enduring qualities like godly character, virtue, integrity and compatibility.
Please note that the journey to sexual purity is not easy, it’s an assignment you can’t fulfil on your own. You need the help of the Holy Spirit, Phil 4:13 says, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength”. Ask the Holy Spirit to grant you self-control. Human determination will take you only so far but depending on the strength of Jesus is the key. God helps those who can’t help themselves.
True love waits. If a boy or girl truly loves you, they will want the best for you. They will not want you to suffer fear of disease, unwanted pregnancy and the psychological difficulties of premarital sex. They will want to experience love with you only in the very best place of all – the love nest of marriage.
Thank you for reading this series, if you have been blessed or you have any opinions or suggestions or thoughts you want to share, kindly do that in the comment section. God bless you.